Old Farts and Sexual Harassment

This woman that I worked with came to me with a very pressing issue, called workplace sexual harassment.  She needed some advice on how to deal with a male co-worker whom she alleged was sexually harassing her.   I will call the male co-worker Dennis (not his real name) for the sake of simplicity.  He is roughly 15-20 years older than her, and he is a Black man from the Caribbean.  I was shocked by Dennis, since he is actually a very cordial person and he never gave me any indication that he would do that.  The woman, whom I will call Martha (not her real name), is a White woman and she originates from the Midwestern United States.   

She told me that Dennis got a hold of her cellphone number and constantly called her and sent text messages.  She didn’t answer the text messages or his phone calls.  He would also leave voice mail messages suggesting that they go out on dates or meet somewhere.   Martha became disgusted with his constant pestering and told Dennis that she was not interested in dating him or meeting with him outside of work.   However, Dennis didn’t seem to get the message.  He continued to pressure her for dates and even hinted that he wanted sexual relations with Martha.

Not that Martha is to blame for this situation, but part of the problem may lie in her personality and how she deals with conflicts. Now, Martha is a very nice, reserved, and easy-going person.  She tries to avoid conflicts with others and is even somewhat of a people pleaser.   Martha rejected Dennis, but I have a feeling that she was rather wishy-washy with him.  The other part of the equation is that Dennis is apparently a desperate, horny, old, dusting farting geezer, who didn't want to accept "No" as his final answer. 

Having experienced sexual harassment firsthand, I understood what Martha was going through.  My advice to Martha was that she toughen up on Dennis and become a total bitch.  If I were in the same predicament, I would not talk to him.  Nor, would I continue to smile or joke around with a person like that.  Anyone who carries on in this manner, and who doesn’t accept “No” for answer, isn’t worthy of my respect or time. In spite of the fact that she was being sexually harassed by Dennis, Martha continued to have lunch with him and other co-workers!  It just didn’t make sense to me.

Some of you may not agree with this approach, but I have found that it has worked like a charm for me over the years.  Some people just don’t comprehend polite “No’s” or diplomacy.  The only time that it occurs to these types of people that they should back off, is when they are put in a position of feeling threatened.  If you hurt their feelings by letting them know what an A-hole they are, more often than not, they will leave you alone. If you make it clear to these people that you won’t tolerate harassment and help them to understand the potential threat of job loss, they will leave you alone. 

There was this instance where another male co-worker was sexually harassing me.  Even after telling this man “No” and  “I am not interested”, he still persisted with the sexual advances.  This is the straw that broke the camel’s back:  One day a friend of this man, told me that someone wanted to speak with me inside of a room at the workplace.  He didn’t reveal the identity of the person waiting in the room.  The man’s friend followed me into the room.

When I entered the room, I discovered that the man who had been sexually harassing me was waiting.  I suppose that he was looking for the opportunity to make an appeal to me.  Well, I didn’t give him the opportunity to speak.  I immediately told him in a very stern manner, “Look here, I don’t want to date you.  I don’t want to be your girlfriend. I don’t want to marry you.  And, I don’t want to fuck you.  LEAVE ME ALONE.” 

The man stood there astounded and speechless.  His friend stood to the side with a smirk on his face and gloating.  After that explosive outburst, I didn’t have any further problems with this man.  As I said before, this is the approach that I use when all else fails.  This is because I prefer to try and resolve problems directly with the other party, before escalating things to the next level.  Also, I don’t like the idea of having my name on the record, or in a file somewhere connected to a sexual harassment complaint.

Most companies in the United States take the issue of sexual harassment very serious.  The larger companies provide training to new employees at orientation in order to educate them.  Sometimes people blatantly sexually harass their co-workers or subordinates, like in the case of “quid pro quo”.  Some people are guilty of sexual harassment without even knowing it.  This could be due to cultural and social misunderstandings. Therefore, companies will provide education and training on this matter, in order to help prevent it and avoid costly sexual harassment lawsuits.  Most of the time, a person who is rightfully accused of workplace sexual harassment will either, be severely reprimanded or terminated. 

Martha was at her wits end and had reached a point where she was ready to go ahead and report Dennis.  I never mentioned her problems to Dennis or anyone else, because I didn’t feel that it was my place to do so.  Oddly enough, she had even asked me a few weeks later if I said anything to Dennis about the fiasco.  Of course, I reassured her that her secret was safe with me and that Dennis had not approached me regarding the issue.  While I would handle the situation differently, I still support Martha if she ever decides to file a formal sexual harassment complaint against Dennis.  


© Copyright 2014 Susan Broadbelt