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Tuesday, June 30, 2015

My Take on Interracial Dating and Relationships

I believe that interracial dating is perfectly acceptable.  People are free to love who they want to love.  Some people get their feathers all ruffled when they see interracial couples together, especially if they have children.  They don’t believe in race mixing and they must feel that their race is being diluted and they fear that their race will be made extinct.

They make conclusions like, “They are together for the sex” or “He doesn’t want a Black woman because Black women have attitude problems”.  Some people put White women up on a pedestal and consider them as trophies or a status symbols for Black men.  But, for some reason a Black woman is seen as the “Negro bedwench” if she dates a White man.

I don’t buy into all that bullshit.  Race is a social construct.  There aren’t any significant biological and genetic differences between us. A human being is a human being. 

When I see a Black man with a White woman or vice versa, it doesn’t bother me at all.  People have their own preferences for who they want to be with and it is none of my business.  I am personally more attracted to Black American men. The chances of having a successful and happy relationship are usually better when you stick to people in your group. It’s a form of endogamy but, that’s just my opinion.  I get along better with them and I can relate to Black men much better.  However, I am also open to dating and relationships with some men outside of my race and culture.   If I ever were to limit myself to dating only Black men, then I’d probably pass up some good prospective partners.

I am also attracted to men outside of my race and ethnicity as well.   I don’t usually go seeking to date people outside of my group.  But, if the right opportunity presented itself, I probably wouldn’t automatically turn it down.   The most important characteristic that people should focus on in a mate is character- and not such much the physical appearance.  Yes, looks are important but things like how the person treats you and others should be more heavily weighted.

I have been on dates with a few White and Hispanic men.  Aside from some social and cultural differences, I think that men are pretty much the same in most respects.  There are both great people and messed up people in every group.

I can’t understand why in this day and age people think that it is their right and privilege to tell others who they should and shouldn’t love.   Some assholes go as far as insinuating that you are a sexual freak or that you have “self-hatred” issues if you date outside of your race.  Well, it’s none of their damn business who someone chooses to date, marry or sleep with.   That’s the problem with Black America and Americans in general:  they are so busy worrying about other folks business that they can’t get their own shit straight.   Who the fuck are they to tell someone who they should date from, who they shouldn’t date?  And, who made them the pussy police? 

Take for instance, this time that I was out with a group of my relatives and friends many years, ago.  Some Black idiot savant walked up and made a negative comment to one of my relatives about her being there with a White man.  She cursed him out and pretty much told him that “N$%*ers ain’t shit!”  I could look at that douchebag’s face and tell he felt crunchy after that.

She was married to a Black man for several years, who abused, cheated on and mistreated her.  I guess the experience traumatized her and caused her to be disinclined from having another relationship with a Black man.  

Now, I didn’t agree with her, that all or even most Black men are rotten.  Just because she went through that with one Black man doesn’t mean that they are all like that. But, I can’t tell her how and what to think because that is the reality that she lived and experienced.

The White man that she met, came into her life and he happened to be a good man, who treated her well.  She wasn’t about to jeopardize what she had by worrying about what others thought of her relationship.

Years ago, I dated a White man who I met on this interracial dating site, called interracialmatch.com.    During that time, I had some difficulty meeting quality Black men, in my area, with similar interests and goals.  I decided to take a chance and go outside of my group to try and meet a quality person.  That’s how I met Lenny (not his real name). 

He was a really tall and muscular, personal trainer who sported a shaved head.  I could tell that he was really into himself and his appearance because, he usually dressed in a sleeveless t-shirt and shorts.  I think he was trying to show off his muscles.  He was also very intelligent, funny, outgoing and charismatic.  He was unusual but very good-looking and he really stood out in a room. 

We always got stares when we were out together at restaurants or any other place in public.  There was this one particular occasion where we were at a restaurant and the waitress seated us in the booth.  Right after we were seated in the booth, a group of Black people who were sitting near us got up and moved to another table on the other side of the restaurant.  They kept staring at us for almost the entire time that they were there.  They were obviously making assumptions about us and I shook my head. I could not believe how stupid, closed-minded and childish people could be. 

We did get the occasional stare from White people but mostly Black people seemed to have an issue with the situation.  It was something that I was not used to, so I pointed it out to Lenny.  I said, “Did you see that? Those people over there got up and moved”. He just waved it off and laughed about it. 

He started talking really loud (Loud enough for the people who moved to hear). “They are the idiots.  I don’t let people dictate how I live my life and how I see myself.  Fuck them!  All they can do is stare and make comments.  They’re not going to do anything else.”, is what he said to me.  In all his years of interracial dating, he’s never had anyone to directly say anything negative to him about interracial dating.  They never dared to say anything, probably due to his size.  His words put me at ease.  I never felt uncomfortable after that. 

Thursday, June 25, 2015

Why I Can’t Stand to Hear “I Don’t Want to Work For The White Man”: Part II

I am related to a woman who used to be married into a Black racist family (some people say that Blacks can’t be racists but rather bigoted.  That’s another story).  Over the years, her ex-husband’s parents made it clear that they can’t stand White people.  His parents are pretty well off Christians.  Her ex-husband's parents pastored a church, ran businesses and owned a lot of commercial and residential real estate. 

They have so much hostility towards White folks that they said that they don’t want their children to ever work for them.  They experienced a lot of blatant racism and discrimination back in their youth.  So, they didn't want their kids to ever go to White people looking for anything. You know, I don’t condone or agree with their bigoted beliefs but I certainly understand why they don’t like White people.  

I believe that their adult children worked for their businesses, here and there.  But, from what I know, none of the adult children developed the ability and skills to run their own sucessful business. 

The young man who was married to my relative, did not work for most their marriage.  He used that not wanting to work for the White man as a pretext for his laziness.  The couple had children and most of the financial support for the children came from his parents and his wife.  Therefore, the young man is spoiled and doesn’t work because he knows that his family will support him, no matter what.  As I mentioned before, his family has a little financial security.  Maybe, he’s counting on an inheritance after his parents eventually pass on.  Who knows?  

He is still responsible to stand up and be a father to his children. My relative and the young man are divorced now and he can't even pay adequate child support.  I feel that his parents coddled and spoiled him.  He never really learned what it is to be a responsible adult. They poisoned his mind and they are at fault for making this man turn out to be sorry.  Now, his children are going to suffer the consequences. 

It is a wonderful acheivement to build a business and have a legacy to pass down from generation to generation.  In that way, your family won’t have to go relying on the White male dominated establishment for employment and survival.  I agree with some of the philosophies and teachings of Marcus Garvey and Carter G. Woodson, that Black people need to build their communities and become financially and economically empowered. Furthermore, I don’t think that anyone should resign themselves to work for someone else (whether Black, White, Asian or whatever) the rest of their lives. 

Mostly when I hear Black people say that they don’t want to work for the White Man, I think that they are full of shit.  Now, I am not saying that there is anything wrong with a person striving for financial indepedence and owning their own business.  In my experience, the people that I hear say this are using it as a cop-out or pretext for not wanting to work at all.  Some of the men who use this rhetoric would rather rob, kill and sell drugs to people in the Black community than to get a job.  

They say that they don’t want to work for the White man, but I find their words ironic and incongruous with their actions. It would follow logically that you’d want to do something to protect and build your own Black community, rather than destroy it! 

The ideal of not wanting to work for the White man is a little bit foolish because for one, White people created this economic system and government.  White people and Asians own most of the wealth in the world.  In order to come up, most people (no matter what race or creed they are) will need to at least learn how to transact business with White people. Even if you don't ever work directly for them, you still need to learn how to work your way around the system of capitalism and understand how laws are applied in the system of money and wealth. 

Secondly, the minute that you spend money (created by White men) you are already working for the White man without knowing it.  If you use a smartphone, use banking services, shop at a grocery store, buy a car, or a home, then you’re working for "the man".  And, when you spend your money, often times you'll pay a tax to the government. It’s all built into the system and set up that way by design. 

I know that it is hard to work for people that you don't like or for people who don't like you.  However, a better way to think is for people to decide that they don’t want to work for anyone else, regardless of their race or ethnic background.  If you need to work for someone else until you can work for yourself, I see nothing wrong with that.  Take what you can get until you get what you want.  I just think it is stupid to say that you don't want to work for a certain group but not do anything to improve, educate or empower yourself. 

Wednesday, June 24, 2015

Some Men play Games and Some Women Fall For It

I was reflecting on a conversation that I had with a lady who I used to work with.  We became friends and she used to tell me a lot of stuff about her personal life and past.  Well, there was this guy that worked for the same company that she was in a relationship with.   Just to throw a little flavor into the mix, I’ll tell you that my friend is a White woman from up North somewhere in the United States and her boyfriend is from Haiti.   They are both in their forties but I think that she is a little older than him.  I will call her Sharon and him Pierre (not their real names).

So, Sharon was really upset because she had to break up with Pierre because she found out that he was a dog.  What happened was that Pierre tried to holler at a couple of Black female co-workers.  They both came back and told Sharon about it.  The first time that he did it, she gave him a pass because she thought that the first woman Pierre hollered at was a skank.  She figured that the woman was jealous and trying to break them up.  Then, a few years later he pulled the same thing with another Black female co-worker.  The difference is that Sharon was good friends with this particular woman.  Sharon felt confident that the woman was telling the truth. 

He tried to holler at her co-workers. Marinade on that for a few seconds. Where they do that at? If you're going to be a man trick, then at least be a smart trick and mess with someone from out of town or someone that your partner doesn't know.  It shows that he doesn't hold women in high regard. Therefore, Sharon kicked Pierre’s ass to the curb- with the quickness.

As she recounted the story to me, I tried to remain impartial and understanding.  At the same time, I couldn’t help but think that Sharon is a bit naïve.  There’s a couple of reasons why I came to this conclusion.  First off, I could’ve told her that dude was a trick from the moment she told me that he is from Haiti.  That’s not saying that all Haitian guys are womanizers.  But, I think that Caribbean island men have a reputation for infidelity and trickin’. 

I know because my dad is from the Caribbean and he was a serious pussy hound back in the day.  I am just keeping it real.  I used to be in relationships a few Jamaican guys.  They had some good Jamrock dick but I have strong suspicions about whether they were faithful.

Getting back to Sharon…  I think that she is a really sweet woman but I can also tell from her demeanor, that she has self-esteem issues.  She has had a difficult life and I think that these things took a toll on her.  People who have self-esteem issues tend to attract people who are opportunistic.  Being that she is a White woman, I feel that Pierre thought that Sharon was his cash cow.

And Sharon told me that she had helped him out with some recurring bills in the past and that she intended to take out a business loan on his behalf because he has bad credit.  This tells me Sharon is gullible and that Pierre is possibly a manipulator.  These types of things are usually the other way around, with the man helping out his lady.  There's nothing wrong with a woman giving her man some financial support sometimes, especially if they are married or their relationship is serious and committed. But, I just can’t respect a man who is always asking his lady for financial support.

The other thing that Sharon told me is that Pierre never invited her over to his home after more than three years of being in the relationship.  They always met in hotels and public spaces.  That should have been a red flag to Sharon.  When she told me that I was like "Girl, you couldn't see that he was treating YOU like a side piece?" 

If your significant other isn’t inviting you over to their place then, he or she is most likely cheating or hiding something.  To top if off, Sharon later found out that Pierre was living with his baby mama.  Hmmm... I could have told her that a long time ago.  I peep game. 

Thursday, June 18, 2015

Rachel Dolezal and Transracialism

I am sure that most people have heard the news reports about Rachel Dolezal, former head of the NAACP chapter in Spokane, Washington.  For those who don't know, she resigned over some controversy about her claiming to be Black.  Her parents went to the media with her birth certiificate and said that Rachel is White and that she has been misrepresenting herself for many years.  The fact that her parents are in litigation with her and outed her is quite suspect but that's another story.  I also heard a report a few days ago, where Ms. Dolezal said that she has identified with Black culture since she was a young chlld.  

My take on it is that I don't really care that much about this story.  For one, the NAACP was started by White people.  I suspect that the organization was started partly to keep tabs on Black people and keep them pacified.  So, it is not that much of a shocker that a White person is the head of the NAACP.

Secondly, I don't understand why people are so outraged and offended by this woman claiming Black.  Yeah, she is weird for passing herself off as a Black person but from all indications she did assimilate Black culture.  She attended an HBCU and was married to a Black man for some time.  She worked to protect the rights of Black people as an activist. So, it doesn't seem that there was any mockery and malintentions on her part (But, if I am wrong in this assumption then I stand corrected).  

Thirdly, this concept of "tranracialism" is nothing new to me.  I see it a lot in living in the South.  I see White men and women who claim Black culture ALOT.  They speak so-called Black English Vernacular and "Ebonics" perfectly.  Some of the White women wear braids and cornrows and I have even seen White people with dreadlocked hair and beards.  

When I was a teenager, I met a blonde-haired blue-eyed, White boy who claimed that he was Black. This dude dressed like the typical urban Black teenaged boy at that time and "sounded Black".  He would argue and fight with anyone who challenged his Blackness.  He was raised by Black people and no one could tell this dude that he was not Black.  I saw him several years, ago when I worked at a grocery store.  He has a whole row of gold teeth in his mouth. He told me that he had spent about 5 years in prison for shooting a man who owed him thousands of dollars.  He also said that he was Muslim and legally changed his name to Akheem.  He must have converted to the Nation of Islam religion while in prison. I thought that he was joking but he showed me his drivers license to confirm it. 

I know a White man who told me that he only dates and marries Black women.  He said that he was not attracted to White women at all. And, he was not lying, either.  I had proof that he was telling the truth.  He was married twice to Black women.  I told him that he was off psychologically and he laughed at me.  It's one thing to be attracted to people from other cultures and races, but it is an anomaly to dislike your own people.  

Am I saying that Rachel Dolezal doesn't like her own race?  No. I don't know what motivates her.  I am not a psychiatrist.  I am saying that human beings have very complex thought processes. 

When it comes to  Ms. Dolezal living her life claiming to Black, I don't care that much about it.  There is a question of whether she could truly know what it is like to experience life as a Black American woman.  She has light skin so she has the benefits of White privilege. 
But, nobody is outraged when Black women go and have Asian Remy weave sewn into their hair and wear green contact lenses. 

There are more pressing issues in this country to deal with. I don't think that Rachel Dolezal should be absolved of wrong doing if she lied on job applications or falsified documents, and if there was other misconduct.  We can't know for certain whether she is lying about who she is without DNA tests.  If she did lie, then that speaks volumes about her integrity.  That's a different issue. 

Wednesday, June 10, 2015

Why I Can’t Stand to Hear “I Don’t Want to Work For The White Man”

Whenever I hear people say that they don’t want to work for the White man, it makes me want to look at them sideways.  I usually have my reservations about people who talk and think this way.  When they single out not wanting to work for the White man it makes me question their true motives.  Please let me explain.  Now there are a segment of upwardly mobile, proud, progressive Black people who have the ultimate goal of achieving financial independence and generational wealth.  They want something to call their own without needing to rely too much on the White male dominated establishment or anyone else for that matter. Many of them don’t forget where they came from.  I respect that and I am not talking about these caliber of people.  

From my experience, when people speak a lot of racial rhetoric about the White man (in the context of money and business), I have usually observed two things about them:

a) They are lazy and don’t want to work. 
b) They don’t do anything positive to uplift themselves or the Black community.  
Some of them sell drugs to their own community so that they don’t have to work of White people. 

I really think that a lot of these people are mentally enslaved and don’t know how to get out of their own way. Now, take for instance one of my great-uncles.  He served many years in prison when he was a young man.  He was a little bit misguided and influenced by the wrong people.  He says that he was sent to prison for crimes that he did not commit- basically being in the wrong place at the wrong time. 

After he got out of prison,  I met him for the first time at about age 10 or 11.  At first I thought that he was a really positive person, because I didn’t know any better.  He used to encourage me to get an education and emphasized the importance of knowing yourself as a person of the African Diaspora.  I remember him pointing out a stack of books to read through that had to do with Pan-Africanism and Black history.  His hair was naturally curly and soft and he eventually allowed it to grow out and lock.  He went around claiming to be a Rastafarian.  

Well, after a few years, his true colors began to show.  He started using racial epithets against Whites and professing how much he didn’t like the White man and blamed them for his misfortune and underachievement in life.  He grew up in the segregated South in the Jim Crow era and knows what it is like to be mistreated and discriminated against by White people.  So, I have a little understanding for why he was bigoted.  

For years that he was going around saying that he can’t stand the White man and that he didn’t want to be associated with them in any way.  The funny thing is that he wasn’t doing much to put himself in a position to where he wouldn’t have to work for the White male dominated establishment. If he were so tired of working for the White man, why didn’t he put his focus, passion and energy into building something for himself and his family?  Why was he using the illegal drugs that were allowed into the country by the government? 

My uncle was physically and verbally abusive to his wife, a Black woman.   He was heavily addicted to drugs and continued to engage in illegal activities.  My uncle is very artistic and has a knack for creating African themed woodwork. So, it's not like he didn't have any special talents or skills. He did landscaping work on the side but still had to get a job working for the White man to pay his bills.  Basically, a lot of his words weren't congruent with his thoughts and actions. 

My uncle was also very rude and mean towards my mother, me and my siblings when we lived with him in my great-grandmother’s house for a few years. He was also alleged to have done some pretty repugnant things to others, that I won’t disclose.  

He wasn’t a socially conscious pro-Black man as he held himself out to be went I met him.  Some conscious Blacks talk the talk, but they aren’t really about that life.  Maybe his abhorrent behaviors and personality were partly due to drug abuse.  I am not really sure, but he was a real piece of work. 

He is no longer on drugs but the last I heard, he was pretty sick and almost on his death bed at one point. I don’t associate with him because he hasn’t changed or matured much. Until this day, his children don’t have a good relationship with him because he is so difficult.  

Tuesday, June 9, 2015

Forgotten Tampons

I had an interesting discussion with a group of women about female reproductive issues a few weeks, ago.   We ended up on the subject of menstrual periods and tampons.  There were a few women in the group who said that they weren’t comfortable using tampons or inserting foreign objects into their vagina.   Most of the women, including myself feel totally comfortable using them on a regular basis. 

Well, one of the women works at an OB/GYN doctor’s office and she said that there are a lot of patients coming through her office who forget that they are even wearing a tampon.  The patients span diverse backgrounds from young to middle-aged, Black, White, Hispanic, etc.  I was surprised to learn this, since it has never happened to me.  I doubt think that it ever will.

I guess every woman’s experience with tampons is unique to their own body.  From my perspective, I can’t understand how a woman would forget that she is wearing a tampon.  My menstrual cycles tend to be really heavy in the beginning days.  So, I use super absorbency tampons for the first days, in combination with sanitary pads to catch any overflow.  During the last few days of my period I wear only a pad for light days. 

I don’t mean to sound graphic but during those heavy days of bleeding, I can actually feel the tampon beginning to slip out when the time comes for it to be removed.  Tampons are designed to absorb the menstrual blood and expand.   Many women will realize when it is time for it to be removed because there may be a mild discomfort or overflow of blood.  A single tampon is not meant to be used for long periods, beyond 8 hours.  They should be removed after a few hours or when the maximum absorbency is reached. 

There is a string on the end of the tampons to allow it to be pulled out easily.  The OB/GYN employee said that sometimes, the string either breaks off the tampon.  There might be cases where the string gets pushed up inside the vagina, or the entire tampon may get pushed deep up in the vagina near the cervix.  Some women aren’t able to reach the string on their own, so that they may need the help of a gynecologist in order to remove it.   That’s pretty scary. 

I figured that the only way that someone could forget that they are wearing a tampon is if they are inebriated or physically ill.  My friend countered that by telling me that most of the times that is not the case.  There could be numerous reasons how this could happen including stressful times or a very hectic schedule.

My friend said that when patients come into their office with this problem, they know right away just from the smell that fills the atmosphere in the examination room.  Once the tampon is pulled out of the vagina, the tampon is either black or greyish colored. There are women who go through more than one menstrual cycle without knowing that they have forgotten a tampon in their vagina. Can you imagine all of that build up on top of ejaculated semen?  It makes for a pretty strong cocktail of funk. That’s pretty embarrassing and gross.

Some of the women have sex while the tampon is present or they insert another tampon on top of the old tampon without realizing it!  I’m not trying to put anyone down here. But, how could the woman’s sex partner not know that something doesn’t feel right.  Wouldn’t that tampon cause excess friction and discomfort during intercourse?  Wouldn’t he notice the distinctive “rotting corpse” smell coming from the vagina?  

It seems that the smell of having a lost tampon in the vagina should be a huge signal that something is wrong.  My friend did say that the smell is one of the main reasons why the patient might choose to come in and find out what is wrong.  Other symptoms might include unusually discolored vaginal discharge, fever and abdominal pain.  

These women are fortunate if they don’t get Toxic Shock Syndrome.  This is a disease that is caused by the multiplication of Staphylococcus Aureus in the vagina and it could lead to other more serious conditions and even death, when not treated promptly.  Most of the times the patient is given a course of antibiotics in order to reduce the risk of bacterial infection.

Monday, June 8, 2015

Some Problems That I Have With The Modern Feminist Movement

I had mentioned before that I am not in complete agreement with the Feminist Movement.   I respect the work of our feminist predecessors like Mary Wollestoncraft and Florence Nightingale.  There was a time in Western history that women (and their children) were considered the property of their husbands.  Husbands were legally allowed to kill and abuse their wives, with little or no legal recourse for the wives.  Women were denied basic rights, like access to education on par with their male counterparts.  During one era they were not allowed or expected to work outside of the home and denied the rights to vote, certain rights to property ownership and on and on.  Hell, there is even a clause in the Declaration of Independence which excludes women: "All [White] men were created equal".   So, we have come a long way in our history and I respect the sacrifices and contributions of most early modern feminists.

My problem lies mostly with radical feminists, who think that they are superior to men.  Some of them say the craziest of things like calling for the intentional harm and killing of men.  Yes, there are some evil men in this world.  Afterall, I've never heard of a woman starting wars or causing mass genocides and oppression.  But, to encourage the hurt of another human is really sick and hypocritical.   They've also come to a point of throwing all men up under the bus.  Whether, they like to admit it or not, women need men. Some the modern feminists of today are causing more strife and division between the sexes than anything else.  

I also take issue with what I call "popcorn feminists", like Beyonce.  She needs to go somewhere and sit down.  I kind of get that they don't like being told what to do by men.  I get it that they are working towards preparing women to be leaders.  But, my questions are, "What are these people doing to improve relations between men and women?" "What are they doing to improve conditions for females living in third-world countries?" "What are these feminists doing to stop child sex slavery going on right in our backyard?" I can't take people seriously who come up with silly marketing campaigns like "Ban Bossy", rather than finding solid solutions for important issues that impact human rights in general.  

I have read some stuff posted on the internet by radical feminists that make me question some of these people's sanity.  They come across a man-haters.  And some of them behave really hyper-agressive and anything but lady-like.  I've seen video footage of radical feminists running up on grown men like they are G's (gangsters).  They try and intimidate men by putting their hands in the men's faces, yelling obscenities and insults.   They push grown men and knock shit out of their hands. 

It's as if they are trying to test a fella's manhood by making him feel like a pussy or provoking him.  I don't advocate violence against anyone, but they are gonna fuck with the right one. Some men won't take shit from noone, whether male or female. I don't think they should be surprised if a man were to defend himself and slap the taste out their mouthes.  If they want equal treatment, then they should be prepared to be equally KO'd like a man. 

Some radical feminists criticise and denounce women who choose to stay home and care for their families.  Well, isn't it a couple's business how a couple decides to run their household? I believe that one of the beauties of the Feminist Movement is that it allowed for women to have more choices and protection under the law and in society.   If a woman decides to forgoe marriage and childbirth to pursue her career, then that's her choice.  If a woman and her husband agree that she will work outside of the home,  while he stays home with the kids, then that's their choice.  But, what is wrong with a woman wanting to stay home to nuture her children and support her husband?  Someone's got to do it and if the couple came to a mutual agreement about what the woman's role is in the family unit then, that's their business

Sunday, June 7, 2015

My Thoughts on Caitlyn “Bruce” Jenner

I am having a hard time understanding Caitlyn Jenner’s gender change.  During an ABC news interview He/she (I am confused about how to refer to him) says that he has been living a lie since he was a child.  He says that for many years he experienced gender identity confusion.  It was like he was a woman living inside of a man’s body.  Jenner had surgery to get some breast implants and facial reconstruction.  As, far as I know he still has a penis and testicles.  Technically he is still a male, but still considers himself a female.

I remember him as an Olympic athlete and from the cover of Wheaties cereals boxes, from my childhood.  He was a handsome, masculine young man but I never would‘ve suspected that he was going through all that.  He came clean while still married to his first wife, Chrystie Scott about his identity crisis in the early 1970s.  She knew about it and it seems that she was supportive. In the 1980s he started taking female hormones in order to begin his transition into womanhood.  Then, he stopped because he didn’t want to cause harm to his young children.  I think his crisis caused him to not be such a good parent to his older children.  He wasn’t as active and present in their lives as he should have been. 

I don’t watch the Keeping up with the Kardashians show very often.  But, I could kind of tell that something was up with Bruce long before he made his announcement.  He started to look and act differently a few years ago and some of the family’s holiday photos were very telling.  There was one image that really struck me, where Bruce was trapped inside a glass case and I thought that was very symbolic. 

My thing is this:  I respect him as a human being.  I don’t condone people hating, harassing or harming transgender people. For the most part, I believe in live and let live.  To keep it 100, no matter how many surgeries he has to make his transition to becoming a female- He is still genetically a male.  Even if he has surgery to remove his testicles and penis, he still has the XY chromosome.  He will still need to take hormones for the rest of his life to suppress his male hormones.  

Just like he has a right to do what he wants with his life, I have a right to form my own perceptions and opinions.  I do not recognize him as a female.  I don’t think that people should be forced to agree or accept this.  And, people shouldn’t be labeled as "transphobic" just because they can’t wrap their minds around this. I have been reading comments on news articles and social media.  There’s a lot of people flipping the script by trolling and bullying the folks who don’t understand or accept this as their reality. And that’s wrong. 

Even though I think that it is bizarre and confusing, I can’t relate to how this man must think or feel.  I have no right to tell someone what to do with their own body.  I am not a psychiatrist or physician but I think that there may be something off kilter or off-balance with the biochemistry in his blood and nervous system.  

It is difficult for anyone to ever ascertain what he’s going through emotionally, physically and mentally.  There were some reports that he suffered from depression for a long time.   Harboring a secret of such magnitude would eat away at anyone’s psyche. I suspect that he was forcing himself to conform to societal norms and please others.  

At the same time, I think that his decision was somewhat selfish.  This is a man who was married to 2 or 3 women and has fathered many children.  I wonder if he really took enough time to think about how his transition would impact the lives of his children and his ex-wives?  If he knew that he was going through such as crisis, then why did he decide to bring these women into his life? I am not on that Kardashian bandwagon but those children and the wives are all going to need some counseling to come to grips with his decision.  

Bruce Jenner is going to make lots of money off of his journey to becoming a woman.  Prior to announcing his intention to undergo transgender sexual reassignment surgery, this man was making around $25,000 per speaking engagement.  Now, he commands around $100,000 per speaking engagement.  He gained millions of followers in social media within a few days.  The last time I checked he has over 2 million followers on Twitter.  He will also be starring in his own documentary show on E. By now most people have seen him come out as Caitlyn on the cover of Vanity Fair magazine.  So, he’s been receiving much media coverage. 

Saturday, June 6, 2015

Adventures in Virtual Dating: Brown is the New Yellow

I was up late one evening several years ago and fooling around on the internet.  I had AOL internet dail-up service.  From time to time people who I did not know sent Instant Messages to me

One man sent me a random instant message, saying “Hello, how are you?”  “ My name is Brian.  What’s your name?”  Any other time I would have ignored him.  Since I wasn’t working on anything urgent, I responded.  He went on to IM me about whether I liked oral sex (that‘s the clean version of what he actually said).  It shocked me that someone would send an IM like that so I just exited the session.  He kept sending me IMs wondering if I were still there.  I said , “Yeah.  What you asked me was not nice”.  He said, “I’m sorry.  Good night” and exited.  *Weirdo* Are people that thirsty, that they are begging for sex from random strangers over the internet?

A couple of weeks later, another man sent me an IM.  I was in an adventurous mood, so I responded.  We had a really decent conversation back and forth through IM.  I could tell that he was intelligent which, was a turn-on for me.  We exchanged phone numbers and spoke for a few days and decided to go on a date.  

He was a medium height, stocky, man of East Indian heritage, in his early thirties.  That put us around the same age group.  By the way, I am open to dating American men from almost any race/ethnic group, as long as he’s a good guy, who treats me well, someone that I have sexual chemistry with and he has similar goals and interests.  Nobody’s perfect, including myself and I am willing to make some compromises with men.  At that time, I was in good shape and religious about my exercise regime and was eating right.  At 130 pounds and 5’4”, I had more options open to me and men usually found me attractive.  

So, we met at this famous hamburger restaurant in the downtown area on his lunch break, near the building where he worked.  He was extremely, gentlemanly,  articulate, polite and well-mannered.  I don’t care what anyone says.  Chivalry is not dead.  That goes a long way with sensible women.  

When we got into conversation, I learned some interesting (and a little bit disconcerting) facts about his life. He was educated with a Bachelors degree in accounting.  He was also working on his masters degree.  He told me that he was living with his parents and that his financial situation was not good.  A few years prior, he started a business with a partner and the business went bust and they ended up having to file for bankruptcy.  I imagine that this left his credit in shambles.  

He also told me about relationship problems and that he broke off his engagement with his fiancée.  He walked in on her at the home that they shared and caught her naked in bed with his best friend.  It enraged him and he said that he beat the Hell out of them both.  He had every right to be angry.  I am not certain how I would react if I ever caught my partner in the act.  It’s never happened to me before, so it is hard to predict what I would do. Understandably, this man had some emotional issues with being hurt by people that he trusted.  Obviously, it still bothered him enough that he felt it necessary to even mention during the date.  

While I was sitting there listening to him talk, I noticed that something was not right about his teeth. The more he talked, I could see that the man had some brown and greenish, rotted teeth, with soft tartar and some plaque.  It was the most disgusting thing that I ever seen in my life.  Evidently, he had really poor oral hygiene.  That plague and rot comes from years of neglect.  It appeared that he hardly ever brushed his teeth and that he never had a professional cleaning by a dentist.  I tried to be as attentive as possible, but couldn’t help but keep thinking about his mouth for the remainder of the date. 

When the date was over, he walked with me back to my car.  He placed his hands on my shoulders and did that infamous lean in to try and kiss me after the date was over. I was so repulsed that I put my hands up on his chest and gently pushed him away, while backing away from him.  I could tell that his feelings were hurt, and that certainly was not my intention to make him feel bad.  But, I wanted to make it obvious that I didn’t want a kiss.  

I was standing there thinking, “How could any woman want to kiss this man?”  First off, I don’t usually kiss a man that I don’t know on the first date.  If I really like him, I might kiss him on the cheek but I don’t do French kisses. I am just real particular about who I kiss.  If your breath and oral hygiene aren’t on point, then it’s a wrap.  

I think he was a nice guy and I enjoyed the date.  In the same breath, that history of domestic violence concerned me.  Would I have to worry about him flying off the handle about something small and reacting rashly? While I realize that his dispute was emotionally charged, the violence against his former friend and ex-fiancée were unacceptable.  I am not a gold-digger or anything but I felt a little funny about him living with his parents and his financial situation.  These things, combined with the poor oral hygiene were deal breakers for me. 

He called me up after the date and we talked for a bit and he invited me back out on a second date.  I turned him down telling him that I didn’t feel that we were compatible.  I couldn’t bring myself to tell him the true reasons why I didn’t want to see him again.  I should have told him but I was really embarrassed for him. 

Thursday, June 4, 2015

Why Should A Woman Submit to a Man?

Sometimes I think about and deconstruct situations from my past. Several years ago, I was on a dinner date with a man whom I was in a relationship with.  We started to talk more about our relationship.  He brought up the topic of “submission” and told me that I should let him “be the man” and that I should submit to him.  That blew me away and I thought that what he said was pretty dumb.

First, of all what in the Hell do you mean “let me the man”?  You are already a male and a man, you moron! Second, why must I submit to you?  Should women submit to their men because he has a penis and more testosterone flowing through his veins?   I don’t get it. 

I am not going to get deep down into the discussion.  But here’s what I deciphered from his message: Women can't think for and govern themselves.  Therefore, they need to be controlled.   Some of the things he said were very patriarchal and emanated from his religious beliefs. I probably would have been more receptive to his ideas if they weren’t so chauvinist. 

If he had come at me from a different angle, like, “Let me protect you”. OR “Let me take care of this for you” OR “Let’s do this thing together” I would have been all ears.  But, no! He had to come at me as if he were trying to mack.  Fuck out of here with that prehistoric cave man shit! 

Times have dramatically changed.  I am not necessarily in complete agreement with the Feminist Movement.  At the same time I don’t subscribe to some of the traditional roles of women in relationships.  In my opinion, men and women are not equal.  They are very different in the way that their brains are wired and in physiology.  Men are usually physically stronger than women.  And, women tend to be more emotional and intuitive than men.  That doesn’t make women stupid but that’s what it is.  Men don’t have menstrual cycles and they can’t get pregnant.  All this is common sense.  But, it doesn’t make one sex (or gender) better than the other. 

There are certain things that I prefer to do as a woman, like cooking over fixing and tearing things up.  I guess this comes from social conditioning. For instance, no matter how many times my father or male friends have shown me how to change a flat tire, I don’t get it.  The truth is that I am capable of understanding but I don’t want to do those things that I consider “too manly”.  I mean, I can't see myself getting up underneath a car and change oil.  If we’re to be completely honest here, there are some things that men are more adept at than women.  So, in those cases I submit what I perceive as "manly activities" to men. That’s not to say that there aren’t women capable of doing masculine things, though.

And on the flip side, there can be many benefits to a woman submitting to a man.  That’s particularly interesting when dealing with a man who has more knowledge, wisdom and understanding than his woman (topped with integrity).  He can offer some ideas that would benefit them both as a couple.  And he could probably teach her some things to make her a better person.  So, humility and open-mindedness in relationships definitely go a long way. 

Bottom line is that in relationships, there is always going to be some sort of compromise.  One party will probably have to do some things that they aren’t comfortable with in order to make their partner happy, and vice-versa.  I’m not saying go all out and be a fool for anyone, but there should be some give and take involved.  One party can’t be on the receiving end all the time. 

I see a romantic relationship like a team.  This idea of one person being in complete submission to the other is not teamwork.  That’s one party trying to relegate the other party to the status of a child.  It may be their way of getting control over the other person in order to do some manipulating.  Even more ridiculous, the man that I am talking about seemed to seek a relationship with a passive woman who won’t question or challenge anything that he says or does. He had a “Woman, I am in charge and don’t ever question or criticise anything that I say or do” type mentalities.

I’m not talking about being a nag or doing things to undermine or emasculate a man.  I’m talking about being a woman with intelligence and strong opinions.  Is there something wrong with that?  Furthermore, I have heard story after story about one partner being in full submission to the other.  The submissive allowed the wool to be pulled over their eyes and got screwed in the process. All I’m saying is why can’t both parties in a relationship learn to submit to one another? 

Wednesday, June 3, 2015

Adventures in Virtual Dating: The Perverted Jerk

I went out on a date with this stranger that I met through a singles phone chat service.  This was in the late 1990s.  He seemed like a cool dude when I spoke with him initially by phone.  We had a few phone conversations and then decided to meet each other in person at a restaurant for a late night dinner.

He was a tall, muscular, Black American man in his early thirties, but he looked much older.  Maybe, he had a hard life.  He said that he was from out of state originally.  And he was in Florida to do some work for his organization as an inspector.  He was dressed casually, wearing all black.  The thing that I found strange about his appearance was that he was wearing a heavy load of gold chains around his neck.  His hair was cut into an outdated Gumby style fade, like MC Hammer. 

I showed up wearing a flannel shirt (it was winter season), long black stretch jeans and some open-toed stack heel flip-flops.  My hair was in a short Afro and my make-up was minimal with some eyeliner, mascara and lip gloss.  One of the first things he said to me after the greeting was, “You are a beautiful, natural Black woman.  I like that”.  Of course, that put a smile on face.  Then, he said, “Wow.  You have nice lips Then, he asked to hug me. And said, “Oooh. You have nice breasts!” after we hugged.  *Creepy*.  Compliments are flattering but he went a little overboard with that last remark about my breasts. Things just steadily went downhill from that point.  A waitress escorted us from the waiting area up front to a booth.  Along the way, the man couldn’t keep his mouth shut. 

I quickly learned that this dude was loud, with a touch of obnoxious.  There is nothing wrong with extroverted personalities.  I am more of an introvert and get along fine with both intelligent, well-mannered introverted and extroverted people.  He was talking loud enough for others in the restaurant to hear our conversations.  He also interjected himself into other people’s conversations which was rude. 

The waitress seated us and handed us menus.  While we waited for her return, we engaged in small talk.  He told me a little more about his background and I told him some things about myself.  He disclosed to me that he was a widower with a young daughter.  His wife had died in a car accident.  I felt empathy for him, having to raise his daughter as a single father and all.  Then, the conversation turned from PG-13 to X-rated. 

I could tell that his mind was in the gutter because most of his comments and questions were related to sexuality.  Maybe, that was his way of hinting to me what his motivations were.  Each time that I attempted to sway the conversation towards another subject, he found a way to angle the conversation back towards sex.  He asked me a couple of personal questions which I refused to answer, such as “What do you like to do in bed?”  I told him in a nice and calm tone, that it was not his business what I do in the bedroom and that I didn’t want to discuss it. 

I remember thinking that it should make no difference to him, because I won’t ever sleep with him.  For him to feel so comfortable asking personal questions to a stranger told me that he is used to doing it.  Apparently, he’d been out on dates with women and conducted himself in a similar fashion.  Some men seem to think that that taking a woman out on a date, somehow makes them entitled to sex and affection. The waitress finally came back over and took our orders.  The man was jaw-popping about sex and making silly remarks while she was there.  She started looking at me like, “Why are you dating this asshole?”

I continued to sit back and listen to him.  Some people don’t fake or front:  They tell you and show exactly what their character is in the first few moments of conversation.  He was laying his cards on the table and being his true self (which was good for me).  I figured that if I gave him enough rope he’d eventually hang himself. 

Since I didn’t divulge any personal information (sex-wise) he started telling me some way out stuff about himself.  He educated me about “tossing salad” which I had never heard of before that date.  He also revealed to me that he enjoyed voyeurism- that is watching and listening to people have sex (either in closets or through windows).   Then, out of nowhere, he just grabbed one of my hands and rubbed my fingertips.  He looked at me with a devious smile and said, “You haven’t had sex in a long-time and you masturbate.  Your fingertips are rough and calloused.”  That was a jaw-dropping moment if ever there was one.  It was my confirmation that he is freak nasty and was looking for sex on the first date.

I knew that I didn’t see myself having any sort of relationship with this man (not even a friendship).  He was not my type in any shape form or fashion. We had almost nothing in common with each other.   There was no sexual chemistry.  He was a fairly good-looking man.  But, his personally made him not physically attractive to me.

Even though this man was somewhat crude, I found him to be funny and entertaining in a wry way.  I was curious about some of the comedic and stupid things that he would continue to say out of his mouth.  This was one of the first dates that I had been on in a very long time. 

Whereas, most women who found his behavior offensive, would have probably walked out on his ass, I wanted to fully experience it.  Aside from that, I didn’t know what was going on in his mind. I had no idea whether he was a serial killer, psychopath, or sociopath. How would this man react to me abandoning him or embarrassing him by walking out?  He could follow me home to hurt me if that were his mind state. Even though he acted like a dick, I opted to give the man the courtesy of finishing the date with him.  

After we left the building he walked me back to my car.  He even closed the car door for me after I buckled my seat belt to make sure that I was safe.  That’s one of the few gentlemanly things that he did.  If he had chosen his words more wisely, he would have made it on a second date.  All that talk about sex is what turned me-off.

He leaned in to try and kiss me on the lips but I turned my head and said, “Good night” and thanked him for the date and wound the car window up in his face.  I drove home and he called me to make sure that I made it in safe, which I thought was nice. 

The following day, he left several voice mail messages on my cellular phone inquiring about the date.  He also wanted to invite me out on a second date.  I was definitely not going to go out on a second date with him.  I didn’t return his voice mail message.  He called me a few more times after that and I finally told him that I didn’t want to go out with him again.  He was too forward and it was clear to me that he was only interested in finding a sex partner.

I told some of my male friends and my brothers about it and they were all upset.  One of my brothers said that I should give him the man’s phone number so that he can meet him to kick his ass.  I neither, wanted to stir up drama nor get my brother to get into any trouble over nothing.  So, I didn’t give him any more information about the guy.  I just chalked it up to experience and a lesson in dating.

Tuesday, June 2, 2015

Pay Attention While Driving, Walking or Cycling

I wished that people would pay more attention out there on the road and follow traffic rules.  This applies to drivers, pedestrians and bicyclists.  Don’t be out here talking on the phone, texting or checking your Facebook status when you are supposed to be paying attention.  All it takes is for someone to have their eyes off the road for a few seconds to cause a major accident. 

Just as drivers of motor vehicles have rules that they must follow, pedestrians and bicyclists have rules that they must abide by as well. I see people mindlessly step off the curb all the time without looking both ways.  Why? Because they are busy running their mouths on the phone.  I see people get off county transit buses and start to jay walk in the middle of the road and risking their safety.  Why? Because they are listening to music on their headphones and think that drivers will automatically yield for them. 

I can’t understand what the urgency is with texting and smartphone use.  I would think that a person’s safety and health is a priority over any phone activities. Even eating and drinking can be a distraction while driving. I remember hearing a story about a woman crashed her car because she was shaving her pussy while drivingAccording to a statistic that I read a distracted.gov, 3154 people were killed in motor vehicle crashes involving distracted drivers and 424,000 people were injured. 

People down in Florida drive crazy, especially in Miami on I-95.  You have to drive for yourself and always anticipate that the drivers all around you are idiots.  Think about the possible mind state and physical health of the people who are operating motor vehicles.  There are people who are driving under the influence, driving without valid license or insurance, driving while distracted, driving with medical issues and vision problems, etc.  There are drivers who wouldn’t think twice about leaving the scene of an accident with injury or a death (hit-and-run).  So, if you are not vigilant you are putting your life in someone else’s hands and just hoping that they will do the right thing. 

And people have no courtesy when driving.  I had this jackass driving a U-Haul truck to make and illegal left turn right in front of me and he was trying to maneuver the truck while talking on a cellphone.  Then, he ended up obstructing the flow of traffic.  Azzhole!

A few years ago, I was driving down a road and this man was riding his bike.  He started to ride his bike in front of my car right across the street, perpendicular about a few hundred feet away.  He didn’t cross it in the way that he was supposed to at either a stop light or an intersection with stop signs.  Then, when my car was about 20 feet away from him he decided to suddenly spin back around in the direction that he came from on my side of the street. 

I had to slam on my breaks and swerve in order to avoid hitting him.  I almost ran into a stop sign. And he was completely oblivious to what was going on.  He was so shocked that the only thing he could do was sit there like a deer caught in headlights.  If I wasn’t paying attention, then he would have been road kill. 

All of this happened because he was busy chit-chatting on the phone.  Not only did he put his own life in danger, he put my safety and property at risk.  He didn’t even bother to apologize or own up to his wrong doing.  The messed up part about it is that he continued to ride his bike and talk on the phone as if nothing happened!  If I hit him, and if he were to try and sue, he probably would lose a lawsuit because of his own contributory negligence.  And where are the cops when you really need them?  He should have gotten some sort of citation.  

Monday, June 1, 2015

Adventures in Virtual Dating and Courtship

I used to call into this phone chat line for singles, that was very popular in the late 1990s. This was before free online dating services became hugely popular. The long-term relationship that I was in had ended several months before.  At that time dating was something I was pretty clueless at it.  I was searching for an easy form of dating for busy professionals. Also, I was very reserved, shy and not so good at approaching men and courtship.  

One night I was up late watching TV and saw some commercials for phone chat companies like Telematch and Quest.  I decided to give it a try.  Their systems allow local strangers to phone into a central line and make recorded profile messages about their interests and what they are looking for.  It gave the callers the option to have live phone conversations without exchanging phone numbers or send recorded messages back and forth. 

Most of the time, I didn’t bother responding to any of the other people’s profiles or messages.  There were some people on the chat lines who were like me:  They were bored, lonely and wanted someone to talk to someone of the opposite sex.  I deluded myself into thinking that it would be easy for me to meet a man with good values through the phone chat line.  You know, I am going to call it for exactly what it is:  many of the people who use these types of services are desperate. After a few days, I discovered that most of the people who use these types of services are mostly looking for casual sexual encounters.  I have never been promiscuous. Screwing around with Tom, Dick, Harry and their relatives and friends wasn’t (and still isn’t) my thing.  Yet, I didn’t see any harm in having conversations with people for fun.  I think I used the service on and off for about a year. 

After the first few weeks it almost became an addiction for me where I would spend hours before and after work just browsing through and listening to the recorded profiles of men.  I frequented those chat lines so much, that I had stumbled upon the recorded profiles of a few guys, whose voices I recognized from my job.  I never interacted with them or mentioned anything to them about it.

There were times that I got on the chat line specifically to “play games”.  I kind of feel bad about it, since I was wrong but it was part of being young and immature.  From time-to-time I would get on and change my voice, which I was very good at.  I have a deep voice for a woman- what African-Americans call “bass” and that’s how I usually speak.  Many times I get mistaken for a man when I go to the drive-thrus at restaurants. 

Anyway, there were times that I took on the persona of an 18-year-old white female to get kicks and fun.  I guess you could say that I reduced the bass in my voice and added some treble. I created a recorded profile in a sexy “White” girl voice, saying that I was 5’ 3”, 110 pounds, had blonde hair, blue eyes.  You should have heard those men!  They were all lined up for the chance to have a live conversation.  Now, I had no intention of ever having a live conversation with these men or meeting any of them.  It was like my version of a prank call. A few of them were smart enough to realize that I was joking.  And some of them sent some messages cursing me out.  Yeah, I know it was wrong to play them like that but it was fun as hell.  Heh, heh.

There were even a few dykes on the chat line that tried to get at me but I ignored them.  The line was intended for heterosexuals but somehow or the other a few lesbians wanted to take their chances on the heterosexual side.   I got the chance to talk to some weird and interesting men of different backgrounds.  Out of about 30 or so live conversations on the phone, I actually met with about 3 or 4 guys in person.  Now, I am a smart cookie. The meetings always took place in public spaces, like restaurants of course.  I didn’t go to their place and they never knew where I lived.

None of the meetings really got past the second date.  One of the men that I met was a complete jerk. Thinking back on it makes me feel that I was a little bit adventurous and untethered.  I lucked up, since there is no real screening process with chat line phone services.  There is no real way to know the identities of these people that you meet. My family thought that I was weird after I told them how I got down.  The world has changed so much that it is pretty commonplace for complete strangers to meet each other on the internet.

The strangest live conversation that I had was with this White Italian man who told me that he had Hepatitis.  I asked him why he was on the chat lines looking to meet someone when he knew that he was infected with the Hepatitis virus.  He told me that he was lonely and just wanted someone to talk to.  We never actually met in person but continued to have a few phone conversations.  Well, he seemed like a nice guy but I could tell that he had a lot of emotional baggage.  At least he was honest about his health problems. He said some other stuff that is not appropriate for me to mention on this blog. 


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