Adventures in Virtual Dating: Brown is the New Yellow

I was up late one evening several years ago and fooling around on the internet.  I had AOL internet dail-up service.  From time to time people who I did not know sent Instant Messages to me

One man sent me a random instant message, saying “Hello, how are you?”  “ My name is Brian.  What’s your name?”  Any other time I would have ignored him.  Since I wasn’t working on anything urgent, I responded.  He went on to IM me about whether I liked oral sex (that‘s the clean version of what he actually said).  It shocked me that someone would send an IM like that so I just exited the session.  He kept sending me IMs wondering if I were still there.  I said , “Yeah.  What you asked me was not nice”.  He said, “I’m sorry.  Good night” and exited.  *Weirdo* Are people that thirsty, that they are begging for sex from random strangers over the internet?


A couple of weeks later, another man sent me an IM.  I was in an adventurous mood, so I responded.  We had a really decent conversation back and forth through IM.  I could tell that he was intelligent which, was a turn-on for me.  We exchanged phone numbers and spoke for a few days and decided to go on a date.  

He was a medium height, stocky, man of East Indian heritage, in his early thirties.  That put us around the same age group.  By the way, I am open to dating American men from almost any race/ethnic group, as long as he’s a good guy, who treats me well, someone that I have sexual chemistry with and he has similar goals and interests.  Nobody’s perfect, including myself and I am willing to make some compromises with men.  At that time, I was in good shape and religious about my exercise regime and was eating right.  At 130 pounds and 5’4”, I had more options open to me and men usually found me attractive.  

So, we met at this famous hamburger restaurant in the downtown area on his lunch break, near the building where he worked.  He was extremely, gentlemanly,  articulate, polite and well-mannered.  I don’t care what anyone says.  Chivalry is not dead.  That goes a long way with sensible women.  

When we got into conversation, I learned some interesting (and a little bit disconcerting) facts about his life. He was educated with a Bachelors degree in accounting.  He was also working on his masters degree.  He told me that he was living with his parents and that his financial situation was not good.  A few years prior, he started a business with a partner and the business went bust and they ended up having to file for bankruptcy.  I imagine that this left his credit in shambles.  

He also told me about relationship problems and that he broke off his engagement with his fiancée.  He walked in on her at the home that they shared and caught her naked in bed with his best friend.  It enraged him and he said that he beat the Hell out of them both.  He had every right to be angry.  I am not certain how I would react if I ever caught my partner in the act.  It’s never happened to me before, so it is hard to predict what I would do. Understandably, this man had some emotional issues with being hurt by people that he trusted.  Obviously, it still bothered him enough that he felt it necessary to even mention during the date.  

While I was sitting there listening to him talk, I noticed that something was not right about his teeth. The more he talked, I could see that the man had some brown and greenish, rotted teeth, with soft tartar and some plaque.  It was the most disgusting thing that I ever seen in my life.  Evidently, he had really poor oral hygiene.  That plague and rot comes from years of neglect.  It appeared that he hardly ever brushed his teeth and that he never had a professional cleaning by a dentist.  I tried to be as attentive as possible, but couldn’t help but keep thinking about his mouth for the remainder of the date. 

When the date was over, he walked with me back to my car.  He placed his hands on my shoulders and did that infamous lean in to try and kiss me after the date was over. I was so repulsed that I put my hands up on his chest and gently pushed him away, while backing away from him.  I could tell that his feelings were hurt, and that certainly was not my intention to make him feel bad.  But, I wanted to make it obvious that I didn’t want a kiss.  

I was standing there thinking, “How could any woman want to kiss this man?”  First off, I don’t usually kiss a man that I don’t know on the first date.  If I really like him, I might kiss him on the cheek but I don’t do French kisses. I am just real particular about who I kiss.  If your breath and oral hygiene aren’t on point, then it’s a wrap.  

I think he was a nice guy and I enjoyed the date.  In the same breath, that history of domestic violence concerned me.  Would I have to worry about him flying off the handle about something small and reacting rashly? While I realize that his dispute was emotionally charged, the violence against his former friend and ex-fiancée were unacceptable.  I am not a gold-digger or anything but I felt a little funny about him living with his parents and his financial situation.  These things, combined with the poor oral hygiene were deal breakers for me. 

He called me up after the date and we talked for a bit and he invited me back out on a second date.  I turned him down telling him that I didn’t feel that we were compatible.  I couldn’t bring myself to tell him the true reasons why I didn’t want to see him again.  I should have told him but I was really embarrassed for him.