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Wednesday, June 3, 2015

Adventures in Virtual Dating: The Perverted Jerk

I went out on a date with this stranger that I met through a singles phone chat service.  This was in the late 1990s.  He seemed like a cool dude when I spoke with him initially by phone.  We had a few phone conversations and then decided to meet each other in person at a restaurant for a late night dinner.

He was a tall, muscular, Black American man in his early thirties, but he looked much older.  Maybe, he had a hard life.  He said that he was from out of state originally.  And he was in Florida to do some work for his organization as an inspector.  He was dressed casually, wearing all black.  The thing that I found strange about his appearance was that he was wearing a heavy load of gold chains around his neck.  His hair was cut into an outdated Gumby style fade, like MC Hammer. 

I showed up wearing a flannel shirt (it was winter season), long black stretch jeans and some open-toed stack heel flip-flops.  My hair was in a short Afro and my make-up was minimal with some eyeliner, mascara and lip gloss.  One of the first things he said to me after the greeting was, “You are a beautiful, natural Black woman.  I like that”.  Of course, that put a smile on face.  Then, he said, “Wow.  You have nice lips Then, he asked to hug me. And said, “Oooh. You have nice breasts!” after we hugged.  *Creepy*.  Compliments are flattering but he went a little overboard with that last remark about my breasts. Things just steadily went downhill from that point.  A waitress escorted us from the waiting area up front to a booth.  Along the way, the man couldn’t keep his mouth shut. 

I quickly learned that this dude was loud, with a touch of obnoxious.  There is nothing wrong with extroverted personalities.  I am more of an introvert and get along fine with both intelligent, well-mannered introverted and extroverted people.  He was talking loud enough for others in the restaurant to hear our conversations.  He also interjected himself into other people’s conversations which was rude. 

The waitress seated us and handed us menus.  While we waited for her return, we engaged in small talk.  He told me a little more about his background and I told him some things about myself.  He disclosed to me that he was a widower with a young daughter.  His wife had died in a car accident.  I felt empathy for him, having to raise his daughter as a single father and all.  Then, the conversation turned from PG-13 to X-rated. 

I could tell that his mind was in the gutter because most of his comments and questions were related to sexuality.  Maybe, that was his way of hinting to me what his motivations were.  Each time that I attempted to sway the conversation towards another subject, he found a way to angle the conversation back towards sex.  He asked me a couple of personal questions which I refused to answer, such as “What do you like to do in bed?”  I told him in a nice and calm tone, that it was not his business what I do in the bedroom and that I didn’t want to discuss it. 

I remember thinking that it should make no difference to him, because I won’t ever sleep with him.  For him to feel so comfortable asking personal questions to a stranger told me that he is used to doing it.  Apparently, he’d been out on dates with women and conducted himself in a similar fashion.  Some men seem to think that that taking a woman out on a date, somehow makes them entitled to sex and affection. The waitress finally came back over and took our orders.  The man was jaw-popping about sex and making silly remarks while she was there.  She started looking at me like, “Why are you dating this asshole?”

I continued to sit back and listen to him.  Some people don’t fake or front:  They tell you and show exactly what their character is in the first few moments of conversation.  He was laying his cards on the table and being his true self (which was good for me).  I figured that if I gave him enough rope he’d eventually hang himself. 

Since I didn’t divulge any personal information (sex-wise) he started telling me some way out stuff about himself.  He educated me about “tossing salad” which I had never heard of before that date.  He also revealed to me that he enjoyed voyeurism- that is watching and listening to people have sex (either in closets or through windows).   Then, out of nowhere, he just grabbed one of my hands and rubbed my fingertips.  He looked at me with a devious smile and said, “You haven’t had sex in a long-time and you masturbate.  Your fingertips are rough and calloused.”  That was a jaw-dropping moment if ever there was one.  It was my confirmation that he is freak nasty and was looking for sex on the first date.

I knew that I didn’t see myself having any sort of relationship with this man (not even a friendship).  He was not my type in any shape form or fashion. We had almost nothing in common with each other.   There was no sexual chemistry.  He was a fairly good-looking man.  But, his personally made him not physically attractive to me.

Even though this man was somewhat crude, I found him to be funny and entertaining in a wry way.  I was curious about some of the comedic and stupid things that he would continue to say out of his mouth.  This was one of the first dates that I had been on in a very long time. 

Whereas, most women who found his behavior offensive, would have probably walked out on his ass, I wanted to fully experience it.  Aside from that, I didn’t know what was going on in his mind. I had no idea whether he was a serial killer, psychopath, or sociopath. How would this man react to me abandoning him or embarrassing him by walking out?  He could follow me home to hurt me if that were his mind state. Even though he acted like a dick, I opted to give the man the courtesy of finishing the date with him.  

After we left the building he walked me back to my car.  He even closed the car door for me after I buckled my seat belt to make sure that I was safe.  That’s one of the few gentlemanly things that he did.  If he had chosen his words more wisely, he would have made it on a second date.  All that talk about sex is what turned me-off.

He leaned in to try and kiss me on the lips but I turned my head and said, “Good night” and thanked him for the date and wound the car window up in his face.  I drove home and he called me to make sure that I made it in safe, which I thought was nice. 

The following day, he left several voice mail messages on my cellular phone inquiring about the date.  He also wanted to invite me out on a second date.  I was definitely not going to go out on a second date with him.  I didn’t return his voice mail message.  He called me a few more times after that and I finally told him that I didn’t want to go out with him again.  He was too forward and it was clear to me that he was only interested in finding a sex partner.

I told some of my male friends and my brothers about it and they were all upset.  One of my brothers said that I should give him the man’s phone number so that he can meet him to kick his ass.  I neither, wanted to stir up drama nor get my brother to get into any trouble over nothing.  So, I didn’t give him any more information about the guy.  I just chalked it up to experience and a lesson in dating.

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