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Tuesday, June 30, 2015

My Take on Interracial Dating and Relationships

I believe that interracial dating is perfectly acceptable.  People are free to love who they want to love.  Some people get their feathers all ruffled when they see interracial couples together, especially if they have children.  They don’t believe in race mixing and they must feel that their race is being diluted and they fear that their race will be made extinct.

They make conclusions like, “They are together for the sex” or “He doesn’t want a Black woman because Black women have attitude problems”.  Some people put White women up on a pedestal and consider them as trophies or a status symbols for Black men.  But, for some reason a Black woman is seen as the “Negro bedwench” if she dates a White man.

I don’t buy into all that bullshit.  Race is a social construct.  There aren’t any significant biological and genetic differences between us. A human being is a human being. 

When I see a Black man with a White woman or vice versa, it doesn’t bother me at all.  People have their own preferences for who they want to be with and it is none of my business.  I am personally more attracted to Black American men. The chances of having a successful and happy relationship are usually better when you stick to people in your group. It’s a form of endogamy but, that’s just my opinion.  I get along better with them and I can relate to Black men much better.  However, I am also open to dating and relationships with some men outside of my race and culture.   If I ever were to limit myself to dating only Black men, then I’d probably pass up some good prospective partners.

I am also attracted to men outside of my race and ethnicity as well.   I don’t usually go seeking to date people outside of my group.  But, if the right opportunity presented itself, I probably wouldn’t automatically turn it down.   The most important characteristic that people should focus on in a mate is character- and not such much the physical appearance.  Yes, looks are important but things like how the person treats you and others should be more heavily weighted.

I have been on dates with a few White and Hispanic men.  Aside from some social and cultural differences, I think that men are pretty much the same in most respects.  There are both great people and messed up people in every group.

I can’t understand why in this day and age people think that it is their right and privilege to tell others who they should and shouldn’t love.   Some assholes go as far as insinuating that you are a sexual freak or that you have “self-hatred” issues if you date outside of your race.  Well, it’s none of their damn business who someone chooses to date, marry or sleep with.   That’s the problem with Black America and Americans in general:  they are so busy worrying about other folks business that they can’t get their own shit straight.   Who the fuck are they to tell someone who they should date from, who they shouldn’t date?  And, who made them the pussy police? 

Take for instance, this time that I was out with a group of my relatives and friends many years, ago.  Some Black idiot savant walked up and made a negative comment to one of my relatives about her being there with a White man.  She cursed him out and pretty much told him that “N$%*ers ain’t shit!”  I could look at that douchebag’s face and tell he felt crunchy after that.

She was married to a Black man for several years, who abused, cheated on and mistreated her.  I guess the experience traumatized her and caused her to be disinclined from having another relationship with a Black man.  

Now, I didn’t agree with her, that all or even most Black men are rotten.  Just because she went through that with one Black man doesn’t mean that they are all like that. But, I can’t tell her how and what to think because that is the reality that she lived and experienced.

The White man that she met, came into her life and he happened to be a good man, who treated her well.  She wasn’t about to jeopardize what she had by worrying about what others thought of her relationship.

Years ago, I dated a White man who I met on this interracial dating site, called interracialmatch.com.    During that time, I had some difficulty meeting quality Black men, in my area, with similar interests and goals.  I decided to take a chance and go outside of my group to try and meet a quality person.  That’s how I met Lenny (not his real name). 

He was a really tall and muscular, personal trainer who sported a shaved head.  I could tell that he was really into himself and his appearance because, he usually dressed in a sleeveless t-shirt and shorts.  I think he was trying to show off his muscles.  He was also very intelligent, funny, outgoing and charismatic.  He was unusual but very good-looking and he really stood out in a room. 

We always got stares when we were out together at restaurants or any other place in public.  There was this one particular occasion where we were at a restaurant and the waitress seated us in the booth.  Right after we were seated in the booth, a group of Black people who were sitting near us got up and moved to another table on the other side of the restaurant.  They kept staring at us for almost the entire time that they were there.  They were obviously making assumptions about us and I shook my head. I could not believe how stupid, closed-minded and childish people could be. 

We did get the occasional stare from White people but mostly Black people seemed to have an issue with the situation.  It was something that I was not used to, so I pointed it out to Lenny.  I said, “Did you see that? Those people over there got up and moved”. He just waved it off and laughed about it. 

He started talking really loud (Loud enough for the people who moved to hear). “They are the idiots.  I don’t let people dictate how I live my life and how I see myself.  Fuck them!  All they can do is stare and make comments.  They’re not going to do anything else.”, is what he said to me.  In all his years of interracial dating, he’s never had anyone to directly say anything negative to him about interracial dating.  They never dared to say anything, probably due to his size.  His words put me at ease.  I never felt uncomfortable after that. 

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